The first month with a SEN governess: what to expect, week by week

The first month of a placement decides a great deal. It is when your child works out whether this new person is safe, when the household finds out how the role fits around everyone else, and when the plan first meets real life. Here is how a well-run first month tends to go, and what you can do at each stage to help.

Before day one: the briefing

The specialist should meet the plan before meeting your child. That means reading your child's goals, any assessment or school reports, the therapy targets and the strategies already in use, and having a proper conversation about what has been tried and what has not worked.

It also means a practical handover from you. Write down the things you know without thinking: the words your child uses for things, what they eat and refuse, what upsets them and what calms them, the order of the morning, the bedtime sequence, any health routines, and the house rules. Add the boundaries of the role, agreed in writing: hours, duties, what the role does not include, and who the governess reports to.

On a managed placement with us, the governess speaks to the clinical lead before day one. On a direct hire, that briefing is yours to run, and it is worth giving it real time.

Week one: settling, not teaching

The first week is mostly about relationship and observation. Your child needs to learn that this person is predictable, fun and on their side before any demands will land. Expect the governess to spend time joining in with what your child already enjoys, keeping demands light, and watching closely: when the day goes well, when it goes wrong, and what happens just before.

It helps if a parent is around for some of the first days and then steps back gradually. A sudden handover can make a child anxious; a parent who never steps back makes it hard for the new relationship to form.

Notes should start on the first day, even if they are short.

Week two: the routine takes shape

By the second week the governess should be running the key routines you agreed, whether that is mornings, pickup, homework or bedtime, the same way every day. This is usually when the first goals start being worked on, in short, planned sessions.

It is also the time for an early review, even an informal one. Sit down for twenty minutes: what is working, what is not, and what has surprised everyone? Problems raised in week two are small. The same problems raised in week eight have become habits.

Some children test a new adult once the novelty has worn off. A wobble in week two is common and is not a sign that the placement is wrong. A governess who responds calmly and consistently, and records it, is exactly what you want to see.

Week three: building and connecting

With the routine in place, the work broadens. The governess starts connecting with the other people in your child's life, such as the therapist and, where the school has agreed, the SENCO, so that the same strategies run in every setting. You should be seeing notes that show what was worked on and how it went, not only that the day was fine.

This is also a good week to check the family side. Is everyone at home using the same approach? Are siblings, grandparents or other staff unknowingly undoing a strategy? The governess can only hold the line during the hours they are there.

Week four: the first proper review

By the end of the first month there should be enough recorded to review the plan properly. On a managed placement, the clinical lead looks at the governess's records, talks to you, and adjusts the goals and strategies. On a direct hire you lead the review, ideally with your child's therapist or another qualified professional involved.

Useful questions for that review:

• Is your child settled and comfortable with the governess?
• Which routines are now reliable, and which still fall apart?
• What has been worked on, and what has your child started doing more independently?
• Are the notes useful, and is anyone reading them?
• Is the role staying within what was agreed, or drifting into general household work?
• What should change for month two?

Do not expect a different child after four weeks. Expect a more predictable day, a clearer picture of what your child needs, and a plan that has already been adjusted once.

When it is not working

If by the end of the month your child is more distressed rather than less, the routines are not being followed, the notes are thin or the boundaries keep slipping, say so clearly and early. On a managed placement it is our job to review it and, if replacing the specialist is the answer, to do that. On a direct hire the decision is yours, and it is easier to make after a month than after a term.

Our SEN governess page explains how placements are briefed and supervised, and how managed placements work covers the supervision in more detail. A day in the life of a SEN governess shows what the routine looks like once it is established, and the hiring checklist covers what to agree before anyone starts.